Nurbassven is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, contented duck.

Nurbassven created a top quark nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Nurbassven, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Nurbassven, he will turn you into an amoeba.

Nurbassven's most sacred site is Taktser in China.

Nurbassven's Holy Commandments

1. Nurbassven loves capybaras, so they must be respected.

2. Never think about evolution by means of natural selection.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

5. Run away if six tapirs approach from the north.