Staffemhak is a god.

He takes the form of a three hundred metre long, merciful tortoise.

Staffemhak created life two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Staffemhak, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Staffemhak, he will curse you with boils.

Staffemhak's most sacred site is Zlatolist in Bulgaria.

Staffemhak's Holy Commandments

1. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

2. Never wear dresses.

3. Do not drink alcohol.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Never eat green fruit.