Teenfotbap is a god.

She takes the form of a minute, grumpy lizard.

Teenfotbap created time and space two million years ago.

If you believe in Teenfotbap, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Teenfotbap, she will torture you forever.

Teenfotbap's most sacred site is Monong in Botswana.

Teenfotbap's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. You must never eat lemons.

3. Always make sure there are no pigs in a room before entering it.

4. Never go into white rooms.

5. Never run in holy places.