Padxembep is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, almighty grasshopper.

Padxembep created Europe eight million years ago.

If you believe in Padxembep, she will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Padxembep, she will turn you into a mole.

Padxembep's most sacred site is Hongcun in China.

Padxembep's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Pray towards the west.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Run away if five aardvarks approach from the south.

5. Never write about the weak nuclear force.