Witcepgar is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, duplicitous snail.

Witcepgar created humankind two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Witcepgar, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Witcepgar, he will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Witcepgar's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Witcepgar's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if five monkeys approach from the south.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Do not hurt tortoises.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.