Ruttimbetfen is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, omnipotent weasel.

Ruttimbetfen created viruses seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Ruttimbetfen, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Ruttimbetfen, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Ruttimbetfen's most sacred site is Ringsted in Denmark.

Ruttimbetfen's Holy Commandments

1. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

2. Do not eat garlic.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Turtles are not to be trusted.