Futziglab is a god.

She takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, selfish ferret.

Futziglab created a strange quark nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Futziglab, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Futziglab, she will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Futziglab's most sacred site is Glastonbury Tor in England.

Futziglab's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Do not speak about bread.

4. Never eat oranges.

5. Do not kill badgers.