Xuctofced Vennegwat is a god.

He takes the form of a three hundred metre long, competent mink.

Xuctofced Vennegwat created everything that exists five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Xuctofced Vennegwat, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Xuctofced Vennegwat, he will throw large rocks at you.

Xuctofced Vennegwat's most sacred site is Pisterzo in Italy.

Xuctofced Vennegwat's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat strawberries.

2. Never wear shirts.

3. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

4. Look mercifully on unfortunate great tits.

5. Always pray immersed in water.