Gadarfkab is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, pitiless donkey.

Gadarfkab created the universe five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gadarfkab, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Gadarfkab, it will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Gadarfkab's most sacred site is Esse in Finland.

Gadarfkab's Holy Commandments

1. Never look at black holes.

2. Swans are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Always help sick seals.

4. Always look after injured moths.

5. Always help voles in need.