Arpkad Jabgidcarflis is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, dishonest octopus.

Arpkad Jabgidcarflis created the Small Magellanic Cloud five billion years ago.

If you believe in Arpkad Jabgidcarflis, it will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Arpkad Jabgidcarflis, it will turn you into a goat.

Arpkad Jabgidcarflis' most sacred site is Krina in Germany.

Arpkad Jabgidcarflis' Holy Commandments

1. Great tits are not to be trusted.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Arpkad Jabgidcarflis.

3. You must love Arpkad Jabgidcarflis.

4. Never talk about the weak nuclear force.

5. Do not speak about pineapples.