Nutfig is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, humorless centaur.

Nutfig created gold three billion years ago.

If you believe in Nutfig, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Nutfig, it will turn you into a small brown duck.

Nutfig's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Nutfig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not eat aubergines.

2. Pray towards the west.

3. Do not shave your hands.

4. Nutfig must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Do not dye your hair mauve.