Dinzimhan is a god.

It takes the form of a three thousand metre long, blissful newt.

Dinzimhan created humankind five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Dinzimhan, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Dinzimhan, it will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Dinzimhan's most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Dinzimhan's Holy Commandments

1. Look mercifully on unfortunate porpoises.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Never mention tortoises.

5. Do not listen to music.