Tafcemgeb is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely large, sage cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Tafcemgeb created parasitic wasps two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tafcemgeb, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Tafcemgeb, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Tafcemgeb's most sacred site is Denshawai in Egypt.

Tafcemgeb's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never sing near horses.

3. Never feed strawberries to great tits while wearing blue skirts.

4. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

5. Always help seals.