Bopwonyarp is a god.

It takes the form of a gargantuan, intelligent jaguar.

Bopwonyarp created vertebrates eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bopwonyarp, it will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Bopwonyarp, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Bopwonyarp's most sacred site is Acanceh in Mexico.

Bopwonyarp's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed cucumbers to moths while wearing red jumpers.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate eagles.

3. Run away from blue hamsters, for they are unholy.

4. Never laugh near bats.

5. Walk at least four thousand metres per day.