Gupjigtit is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, cheerful spider.

Gupjigtit created dark energy six billion years ago.

If you believe in Gupjigtit, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Gupjigtit, he will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Gupjigtit's most sacred site is Landsort in Sweden.

Gupjigtit's Holy Commandments

1. Do not run in public.

2. Never talk about gravity.

3. You must pray to Gupjigtit seven times a day.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Do not drink alcohol.