Jopzanhogham is a god.

He takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, unthoughtful wolf.

Jopzanhogham created Europe four million years ago.

If you believe in Jopzanhogham, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Jopzanhogham, he will destroy your favourite dwarf planet.

Jopzanhogham's most sacred site is Paavola in Finland.

Jopzanhogham's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate doves.

2. Never talk about evolution by means of natural selection.

3. Run away from blue birds, for they are unholy.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Do not stand on grass.