Kadfumvin is a god.

She takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, unthoughtful penguin.

Kadfumvin created light three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kadfumvin, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Kadfumvin, she will not care.

Kadfumvin's most sacred site is Mazunte in Mexico.

Kadfumvin's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat bananas.

2. Never write about moons.

3. Walk at least nine thousand metres per day.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Never paint your head orange.