Nulvinten is a god.

She takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, competent tortoise.

Nulvinten created matter four years ago.

If you believe in Nulvinten, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Nulvinten, she will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Nulvinten's most sacred site is Esse in Finland.

Nulvinten's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Worship no other gods but Nulvinten.

3. Always obey Nulvinten's priests.

4. Do not speak about grapes.

5. Never eat bark.