Tailbadgen Nulhakkam is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely large, prudent hydra.

Tailbadgen Nulhakkam created a charm quark six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tailbadgen Nulhakkam, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Tailbadgen Nulhakkam, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Tailbadgen Nulhakkam's most sacred site is Xaaga in Mexico.

Tailbadgen Nulhakkam's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray immersed in water.

2. Never talk about gravity.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Never talk about grasshopers.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.