Vigquatboss is a god.

He takes the form of a slim, resourceful elephant.

Vigquatboss created the world seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Vigquatboss, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Vigquatboss, he will destroy your home galaxy.

Vigquatboss' most sacred site is Ans in Denmark.

Vigquatboss' Holy Commandments

1. Run away from fawn bats, for they are unholy.

2. Erect six nickel sculptures of Vigquatboss on top of important buildings.

3. You must love Vigquatboss.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Always help tortoises in need.