Metboplarn is a god.

She takes the form of a gargantuan, overgenerous spider.

Metboplarn created humankind five billion years ago.

If you believe in Metboplarn, she will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Metboplarn, she will destroy your favourite solar system.

Metboplarn's most sacred site is Bodieve in England.

Metboplarn's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your hands.

2. Do not chop down trees.

3. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

4. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

5. Never write about comets.