Lakyatgum is a god.

It takes the form of a very long, amazing parrot.

Lakyatgum created the planet Jupiter nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Lakyatgum, it will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Lakyatgum, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Lakyatgum's most sacred site is Pedraza in Spain.

Lakyatgum's Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair cyan.

2. Do not cook food in pots.

3. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

4. Do not shave your head.

5. Do not run in public.