Figlab is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, narcissistic aardvark.

Figlab created the Whirlpool Galaxy five billion years ago.

If you believe in Figlab, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Figlab, he will be very sad.

Figlab's most sacred site is Acanceh in Mexico.

Figlab's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear corsets.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Figlab.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Figlab.