Hakcabmis is a god.

It takes the form of a giant, grumpy mink.

Hakcabmis created an electron eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hakcabmis, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Hakcabmis, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Hakcabmis' most sacred site is Pedraza in Spain.

Hakcabmis' Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your hands purple.

2. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

3. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Hakcabmis.

4. Show mercy to disobedient children.

5. Do not commit murder.