Ortneltag is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, impressive cat.

Ortneltag created an atom five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Ortneltag, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Ortneltag, he will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Ortneltag's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Ortneltag's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Ortneltag.

2. Never go into turquoise rooms.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

4. Do not wear gold on your body.

5. Look mercifully on unfortunate great tits.