Yogkapcun is a god.

She takes the form of a four hundred metre long, selfish finch.

Yogkapcun created bats four million years ago.

If you believe in Yogkapcun, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Yogkapcun, she will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Yogkapcun's most sacred site is Utti in Finland.

Yogkapcun's Holy Commandments

1. Respect your elders.

2. Do not eat gooseberries.

3. Never talk about horizontal gene transfer.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.