Vigcamjan is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, selfish narwhal.

Vigcamjan created the Sun eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Vigcamjan, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Vigcamjan, he will turn you into a tree.

Vigcamjan's most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Vigcamjan's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear turquoise ear rings.

2. Do not covet oxen.

3. Never feed cucumbers to whales while wearing fawn hats.

4. Never laugh near seals.

5. Do not fashion models of living things.