Negdavpopven is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, dishonourable guinea pig.

Negdavpopven created everything that exists two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Negdavpopven, he will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Negdavpopven, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Negdavpopven's most sacred site is Cobbelsdorf in Germany.

Negdavpopven's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Negdavpopven loves seals, so they must be honoured.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Never mention tapirs.