Bitgad Nartwadyambemquartwadgessbod Spagfetzenteen is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, competent octopus.

Bitgad Nartwadyambemquartwadgessbod Spagfetzenteen created light seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bitgad Nartwadyambemquartwadgessbod Spagfetzenteen, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Bitgad Nartwadyambemquartwadgessbod Spagfetzenteen, she will turn you into a slug.

Bitgad Nartwadyambemquartwadgessbod Spagfetzenteen's most sacred site is Omaweneno in Botswana.

Bitgad Nartwadyambemquartwadgessbod Spagfetzenteen's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about stars.

2. Fast once a month.

3. Erect four silver sculptures of Bitgad Nartwadyambemquartwadgessbod Spagfetzenteen on top of important buildings.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

5. Never look in ponds.