Bopvin is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely thin, overgenerous zebra.

Bopvin created humanity eight million years ago.

If you believe in Bopvin, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Bopvin, she will say rude things about you at parties.

Bopvin's most sacred site is Quellendorf in Germany.

Bopvin's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention goats.

2. Never eat green fruit.

3. Never skip in holy places.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Bopvin.