Jonkarmut is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, emotional wombat.

Jonkarmut created an atom six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jonkarmut, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Jonkarmut, he will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Jonkarmut's most sacred site is Dumadumana in Botswana.

Jonkarmut's Holy Commandments

1. Do not eat corn.

2. Always help otters.

3. Do not listen to music.

4. Run away from gray ducks, for they are unholy.

5. Hide if four porpoises approach from the east.