Kapdavzan is a god.

It takes the form of a minute, vain manatee.

Kapdavzan created Europe eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Kapdavzan, it will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Kapdavzan, it will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Kapdavzan's most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Kapdavzan's Holy Commandments

1. Erect three silver sculptures of Kapdavzan on top of important buildings.

2. Never talk about horizontal gene transfer.

3. Erect a large silicon sculpture of Kapdavzan on top of all buildings.

4. Worship no other gods but Kapdavzan.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.