Loopmadwapwik is a god.

She takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, uncaring bird.

Loopmadwapwik created vertebrates seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Loopmadwapwik, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Loopmadwapwik, she will destroy your home planet.

Loopmadwapwik's most sacred site is Gomba in Hungary.

Loopmadwapwik's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Always help sick birds.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Never talk about great tits.

5. Pray towards the north.