Witpibwik is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely small, ill-tempered giraffe.

Witpibwik created water nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Witpibwik, it will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Witpibwik, it will strike you with lightening.

Witpibwik's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Witpibwik's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if three great tits approach from the east.

2. Never eat rice.

3. Shrews are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Never write about amino acids.

5. Never eat bark.