Jonwadzed is a god.

It takes the form of a huge, fast rat.

Jonwadzed created oxygen four billion years ago.

If you believe in Jonwadzed, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Jonwadzed, it will manifest in front of you.

Jonwadzed's most sacred site is Nanjie in China.

Jonwadzed's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink alcohol.

2. Erect a large aluminium sculpture of Jonwadzed on top of all buildings.

3. Do not fashion models of living things.

4. Run away from pink mites, for they are unholy.

5. Run away if eight goats approach from the east.