Pogtarpib is a god.

She takes the form of a galaxy-sized, blissful cow.

Pogtarpib created light three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Pogtarpib, she will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Pogtarpib, she will turn you into a tree.

Pogtarpib's most sacred site is Corsock in Scotland.

Pogtarpib's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention manatees.

2. Never go into magenta rooms.

3. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

4. Put Pogtarpib first in all things.

5. Never wear yellow coats.