Citcissbaf is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, unfair squid.

Citcissbaf created the Cigar Galaxy six billion years ago.

If you believe in Citcissbaf, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Citcissbaf, he will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Citcissbaf's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Citcissbaf's Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry snakes.

2. Never write about the weak nuclear force.

3. Never go into gray rooms.

4. Retreat if six goats approach from the west.

5. Never feed cherries to cats while wearing white shorts.