Quagzod Jentifort is a god.

He takes the form of a four thousand metre long, compassionate aardvark.

Quagzod Jentifort created the Andromeda Galaxy eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Quagzod Jentifort, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Quagzod Jentifort, he will refuse to believe in you.

Quagzod Jentifort's most sacred site is Corsock in Scotland.

Quagzod Jentifort's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no manatees in a room before entering it.

2. Never sing in the presence of goats.

3. Look mercifully on unfortunate monkeys.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Always make sure there are no snails in a building before entering it.