Gofjintafmig is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, witty lizard.

Gofjintafmig created a charm quark two million years ago.

If you believe in Gofjintafmig, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Gofjintafmig, she will attempt to scare you with floods.

Gofjintafmig's most sacred site is Acanceh in Mexico.

Gofjintafmig's Holy Commandments

1. Always obey Gofjintafmig's priests.

2. Never write about black holes.

3. Run away from white great tits, for they are unholy.

4. Always help sharks in need.

5. Always treat goats with great respect.