Lopmiljinwip is a god.

She takes the form of a six thousand metre long, moody gnu.

Lopmiljinwip created Europe eight million years ago.

If you believe in Lopmiljinwip, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Lopmiljinwip, she will turn you into a tree.

Lopmiljinwip's most sacred site is Hongcun in China.

Lopmiljinwip's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink alcohol.

2. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

3. Do not trade with those who eat spinach.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.