Bapfobyarpfar is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, ruthless alligator.

Bapfobyarpfar created Africa nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bapfobyarpfar, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Bapfobyarpfar, he will turn you into an amoeba.

Bapfobyarpfar's most sacred site is Polagam in India.

Bapfobyarpfar's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick whales.

2. Do not hurt eagles.

3. Never talk about cell theory.

4. Never skip in holy places.

5. Never write about horizontal gene transfer.