Vogomtflab is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, smart squirrel.

Vogomtflab created humanity eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Vogomtflab, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Vogomtflab, he will destroy your favourite dwarf planet.

Vogomtflab's most sacred site is Pontelandolfo in Italy.

Vogomtflab's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a large iron sculpture of Vogomtflab on top of all buildings.

2. Never feed melons to rats while wearing pink stockings.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Never talk about grasshopers.

5. Vogomtflab loves tapirs, so they must be respected.