Teentimbumbusjatjan Pidgofrapladbifcun is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, fast walrus.

Teentimbumbusjatjan Pidgofrapladbifcun created the planet Mars two billion years ago.

If you believe in Teentimbumbusjatjan Pidgofrapladbifcun, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Teentimbumbusjatjan Pidgofrapladbifcun, she will curse you with boils.

Teentimbumbusjatjan Pidgofrapladbifcun's most sacred site is Miiluranta in Finland.

Teentimbumbusjatjan Pidgofrapladbifcun's Holy Commandments

1. Hide if three cats approach from the east.

2. Do not bounce in public.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Respect your elders.

5. You must never eat pineapples.