Homtinlig is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, benevolent monkey.

Homtinlig created tapeworms five million years ago.

If you believe in Homtinlig, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Homtinlig, he will turn you into a puffin.

Homtinlig's most sacred site is Amrit in Egypt.

Homtinlig's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear scarves.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of zinc.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

5. Never talk about badgers.