Cemfumwee is a god.

He takes the form of a very thin, ruthless hippopotamus.

Cemfumwee created humanity four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Cemfumwee, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Cemfumwee, he will turn you into a plant.

Cemfumwee's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Cemfumwee's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Cemfumwee.

2. Do not drink water in brown rooms.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Always help seals in need.

5. Never write about cell theory.