Fithonyak is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly large, overgenerous hamster.

Fithonyak created humankind two million years ago.

If you believe in Fithonyak, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Fithonyak, it will turn you into a small brown duck.

Fithonyak's most sacred site is Gulval in England.

Fithonyak's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Walk at least six thousand metres per day.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Never paint your hands pink.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.