Sandfunnelltap Laknadwab is a god.

It takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, thoughtless hippopotamus.

Sandfunnelltap Laknadwab created an atom six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Sandfunnelltap Laknadwab, it will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Sandfunnelltap Laknadwab, it will denounce you as a heretic.

Sandfunnelltap Laknadwab's most sacred site is Gulval in England.

Sandfunnelltap Laknadwab's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Sandfunnelltap Laknadwab.

2. Do not wear carbon on your body.

3. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

4. Do not covet oxen.

5. Do not trade with those who eat beans.