Kembaplarn is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, generous weasel.

Kembaplarn created Mount Everest nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kembaplarn, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Kembaplarn, he will turn you into a sparrow.

Kembaplarn's most sacred site is Dimson in England.

Kembaplarn's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of titanium.

2. Always make sure there are no moths in a building before entering it.

3. Always look after injured birds.

4. Run away if four voles approach from the south.

5. Never wear cyan jumpers.