Gonquamril is a god.

It takes the form of a huge, humorless aardvark.

Gonquamril created humankind two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gonquamril, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Gonquamril, it will denounce you as a heretic.

Gonquamril's most sacred site is Qantir in Egypt.

Gonquamril's Holy Commandments

1. Gonquamril must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Never wear coats.

4. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

5. Put Gonquamril first in all things.