Xemsidrig is a god.

It takes the form of a small, able walrus.

Xemsidrig created viruses four million years ago.

If you believe in Xemsidrig, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Xemsidrig, it will turn you into a goat.

Xemsidrig's most sacred site is Diebzig in Germany.

Xemsidrig's Holy Commandments

1. Hide if three manatees approach from the south.

2. Voles are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Never feed aubergines to porpoises while wearing magenta corsets.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate otters.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.